so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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