Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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