we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
