guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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