Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
