sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
