i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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