Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
