The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
