I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
