somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
