so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
