No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
