Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
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now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
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Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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