She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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