so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
All I want is dick and wine.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
