i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Welp...herpes.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
