I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
