walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
