You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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