What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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