Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
third nipple confirmed
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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