Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
