i just wanna soil my oats bro
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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