This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
