Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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