I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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