my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
