There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
