I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
