Only a mothe r could love this liver
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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