I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize