I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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