Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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