i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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