y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
