i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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