Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
