I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
