giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
