The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
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he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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