She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
