It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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