just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
