I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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