i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
