dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I don't deserve a penis
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
