do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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