God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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