Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You ruined the universe
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
