If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
