When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
