I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
