so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
