DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
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I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
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Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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