talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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