Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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