remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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