remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
