There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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