I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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