I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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