the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
