things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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