My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
