I think im going to throw up on grandma
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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