It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
