The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
