Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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