overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
