dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
