Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
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There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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