I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
