No stitches, just platelets and will power
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
