carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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