he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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