I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
