Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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