Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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