Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
