Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
