I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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